​I feel like a fraud.

​I've often warned of the dangers of social media, since most people use it as a "highlight reel," only posting their happy, shiny moments and never the unfortunate moments that are a part of real life, particularly #realmomlife. This can make the rest of us, who are scrolling through our Facebook feeds sitting behind a locked bathroom door late night whilst downing a glass of wine and shoveling chocolate soy ice cream into our mouths trying to embrace the only "me time" we have gotten in weeks, feel inadequate and like failures.

​And yet, if you look at my Facebook page recently, you might think my life is all rainbows, roses and unicorns. I, too, have fallen into the "highlight reel" trap, and it's time to come clean.

Like so many of you, I'm struggling right now to keep the many balls I have in the air from crashing down all over me.

I'm struggling to break free from what seems like an endless to-do list and find just a few moments to take a deep breath and have some fun.

I'm struggling to figure out who I am and who I want to be after having Beautiful Baby Ava (BBA) last June. After spending nearly 43 years focused on academic, professional and athletic achievement, I find myself in a place where I never thought I would be - madly in love with my little girl and wanting to experience life alongside her every day. I want to make her homemade meals and kiss her boo-boos when she bumps her head. I want to be there to witness all of her developmental milestones and see her smiling face every morning when she awakens.

You see, my life right now - like many of yours, I suspect - is a whirlwind of tasks, with little, if any, downtime. It's Groundhog Day, and that day looks like this:

Get up at o'dark-thirty to pump before I workout, so I can get in a training session before BBA wakes up. I'm exhausted, because BBA still wakes up 2-4 times a night to feed, which I hoped to end with Cry It Out, but her pediatrician told us that would be "mean," because BBA is feeding at night because she is too distracted to feed much during the day, so she is really hungry, which means my over-a-year-long stretch of not getting a full night's sleep is still going strong.

Rush to get in my newly-invented Daily 15 (15-minute, intense workout) and maybe have time to grab an Almond Milk Chai Tea Latte from Peet's on my way home, which is basically the only thing I do for myself during the day (and yet I feel guilty for spending $5.67 every day on a sugary tea drink...). Walk Bailey the Pup, feed BBA and put her breakfast together, maybe have time to shower (or maybe not), throw in a load of what seems to be a never-ending pile of laundry (how can a baby possibly produce so much laundry?), grab a quick bite for myself and start working.

My new workspace is in our garage, next to my gym equipment, since my prior home office space (our dining room table) is near where BBA spends her time playing with The Au Pair (and my prior gym is now BBA's nursery). If there is a less inspiring environment in which to work or workout than a garage that is actually used to store a car and tools and bikes and baby strollers, etc., I'm not sure what it is.

When I get breaks from work, I feed BBA (I know "breast is best," but I am looking forward to weaning her when she turns one in exactly 2 months and 3 weeks - but who's counting?), fold laundry, do other random housework, put BBA's lunch together and go back to my dark cove to resume work.

After I finish working, I rush (see the trend here) to get dinner made for the family and BBA before The Au Pair is off duty, since cooking dinner with an active, crawling 9-month old is a nightmare. Once dinner is made, I'm on BBA duty, and we play or go for a walk and often FaceTime a family member until it's time to eat.

I get dinner on the table for The Man, the Au Pair and me, and try to shovel my food in quickly while feeding BBA her meal (usually my meal is cold by the time I get to it). I clean up after dinner (The Man helps if BBA is too tired to stay up), and then I start BBA's bedtime routine, which includes a bath every other night, a long feeding (sometimes 45 minutes), and some soothing music (more for me than for her, I suspect).

By the time BBA is down for the night (or rather, for the next 2-3 hours), I am exhausted, and while I have aspirations of staying up to watch a movie with The Man or do some reading, I generally retreat to the bedroom and go to bed, knowing that in a few hours, I'll be up again to feed the little miss.
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Rinse and repeat.

I suspect many of you understand how I feel, particularly if you are a new mom or dad (or an old mom or dad, or a busy executive, or really just about anyone these days), but I find it strange and unfortunate that so few people talk about their challenges. For a while, I thought I was "the only one" who was having difficulty keeping up with it all, but as I began to express my struggles with several close friends, they started opening up about their own difficulties, which is why I decided to write this post.

You see, having BBA is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And it is also the most challenging. Raising a child is monumentally difficult, especially if you are Type A+ and have high standards, and while it is easy for others to give the advice that my standards and expectations will have to "change" (i.e., lower), it is much harder to take that advice and run with it without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt and failure - and quite honestly, without going against the core of who I am. And figuring out who I am and what I want to do "when I grow up" now that "Mama" has been added to the very top of my bio is something that is stressing me out more than I could have ever imagined.

New Year's. The time we get brand new calendars, set brand new goals, and start over with a clean slate. A slate that generally stays clean for maybe a few days or a few weeks, until it is tarnished with a glass of wine here and a cookie there. And then the grandiose resolutions we were so committed to on January 2nd are quickly forgotten, and we fall back into our regular routines and habits, and we vow to try again next Monday, and then the following Monday and the following, and ultimately enough Mondays pass that we decide to wait until next New Year's to change all of our bad habits in one fell swoop. Which, of course, dooms us to failure from the start. Again.

Throughout the years, I, too, have succombed to this circular pattern. Historically, I spend hours, days and even weeks pondering all of bad habits I want to change and the good habits I want to incorporate into my life. The list is very thoughtful and comprehensive, detailing commitments in all facets of life - fitness, nutrition, finances, spirituality, personal development, relationships, household, etc., etc. And if I am being honest (and this blog is all about honesty and authenticity), I may get through a week sticking with perhaps 1 or 2 of my 10+ resolutions before I fall off the wagon (and decide to try again next Monday...).

This year, my resolution prep was no different. I even invested in a few, quite lovely (and actually very useful and highly recommended) workbooks from Leonie Dawson that help guide you to your yearly personal and professional goals, and I spent precious hours over the Christmas holiday analyzing the current state of my life and creating a long list of things I resolved to do or not do in 2017. Save a certain amount of money. Start a nutrition and kettlebell coaching business, in-person and online, attracting a certain number of clients and making a certain amount of money each month. Read at least 2 books a month. Declutter our entire house. Find a new church community close to where we live. Cook through all of the recipes in my friend Tess Challis' Radiant Health, Inner Wealth cookbook (I still plan on doing this...more in an upcoming blog). Obtain my RKC kettlebell instructor certification. Cure cancer. Bring peace to the Middle East...

But when I returned from my holiday visit to my hometown, I had what Oprah would call an ah-ha moment that would support my desire to constantly improve and become a better person but get me out of the vicious New Year's Resolution circle. As I contemplated the type of person I wanted to be in 2017 and reflected on the type of person I became in 2016, when I ventured into motherhood for the very first time, I remembered an article I once read by a renowned Stanford University professor and expert in human behavior change named BJ Fogg, whose research has found that ​long-term behavior change is only truly possible by taking itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny baby steps consistently over time. I then looked at my lovely, 6 1/2-month old daughter, the Beautiful Baby A (BBA), and realized that the only resolution that seemed worthwhile for me to make in the upcoming year is to strive every day to be a little better and to do a little better for her, so that I am consistently striving to become the type of person that I would like my lovely, 6 1/2-month old daughter to be. ​

This is, of course, probably the tallest order when it comes to New Year's Resolutions I have ever made, but since BBA is learning everything about life right now from me (and her dada), there could be no commitment more important, more impactful or more meaningful. 

So this year I challenge you to think about your New Year's Resolutions a little differently. To look at the areas of your life you'd most like to improve and to commit to doing just a tiny bit better or a tiny bit more today. That may mean having a few more sips of water today than you did yesterday. Or donating $1 to your favorite charity rather than $0. Or getting up 1 minute earlier. Or going for a 5-minute walk. To support this process and keep myself accountable, I will be posting The Resolution Daily every day on my Facebook page (are you following me on FB, and if not, why not?), providing daily advice and tips on how to make consistent and tiny improvements and ditch the transform-every-aspect-of-your-life-overnight New Year's Resolution mentality once and for all. 

WDIWMDTB. Who Do I Want My Daughter To Become. That is my mantra for 2017. And whether you have children or not, I challenge you to think about this mantra as you move forward with your life each and every day this year, and resolve to take just one, baby step closer to becoming that person yourself. What tiny step are you going to take today? Leave a Comment below and share.

Until next time, be happy and healthy,
​Kathleen

Hello, friends! It is hard to believe that Beautiful Baby A (BBA) is now old enough to be referred to in months rather than weeks since she officially turned 4 months old on October 6th! It has been amazing to observe her growth and development over the past 16 weeks. Since I provided my last BBA update 6 1/2 weeks ago, she has reached a number of milestones, including: (1) sleeping through the night consistently, but then (2) experiencing the dreaded "4-Month Sleep Regression" (going from waking once at 4 or 5 a.m. to waking 3 times throughout the night); (3) going on her first beach vacation (and laughing at the waves while we dipped her feet in the water); (4) and on her first boat ride; (5) getting her first savings account (with a whopping .01% interest); (6) drooling nonstop; (7) grabbing at everything, especially my hair (she has a grip that suggests she sneaks out at night to get in a few sets of heavy kettlebell farmer's carries); (8) discovering her love for dance (when I start dancing, she kicks and bounces and flails her arms around with a big smile on her face, laughing and trying to imitate my moves); and (9) finding her "voice," which is a high-pitched squeal that will not necessarily win her a spot on The Voice​.

As for mama, I have weathered the past two months quite well, since BBA has spent most of it sleeping consistently and napping regularly. I am continuing to train for my Russian Kettlebell Challenge (RKC) certification to become a kettlebell instructor, which means I get up super early 4 days a week (before baby rises) to train in my garage gym, and then I work with my amazing trainer Andre at Fitness on the Run one additional day each week to help perfect my form in the major kettlebell exercises, most particularly the clean, which is currently my nemesis. Perhaps it is the training, or the breastfeeding, or the fact that I often miss meals because I am so busy (like missing dinner last night and breakfast this morning), or maybe it is because I am not spending my days sitting at a "desk job," but I now weigh over 8 pounds less than I did before I became pregnant, and instead of having to invest in bigger clothing post-pregnancy, I actually have to buy a pair of smaller jeans for the fall since my old pairs literally fall down when I wear them. 

The biggest struggle I have had over the past 4 months since having BBA is overcoming the tremendous sense of guilt that accompanies new motherhood. As someone of Irish descent who was raised Catholic, I am intimately familiar with guilt - it's basically in my DNA - but being a mom takes it to an entirely new and unprecedented level. I am constantly wondering whether what I am doing will screw up BBA forever. And when I try to comfort myself by thinking that there is probably not much I can do that can really screw her up forever, I remember stories about Adolf Hitler, whose atrocities later in life experts blame on his troubled childhood. If I let BBA "cry it out" at night, will she resent me, no longer trust anyone, not develop a sense of self-confidence, and ultimately eff up the entire world? 

You see the rabbit hole new mamas are prone to go down. 

(And by the way, right at this very moment, BBA is screaming uncontrollably in her crib, after I put her down to sleep about an hour ago. I have gone in twice to comfort her and am asking myself how long I should let her cries continue before I go in again?)

Every single day I wonder if what I am doing is enough to help BBA develop and achieve the milestones all of the baby books talk about and whether the activities I am doing with her are the right ones. I constantly question whether:
(1) Spending nearly every waking moment with BBA during my 6 1/2 months of maternity leave will negatively impact her ability to grow into a strong, independent woman? or
(2) Letting BBA play alone on her play mat in the kitchen while I am making dinner will negatively impact her social development? or
(3) Giving BBA only a few minutes of tummy time will negatively impact her physical development? or 
(4) Forcing BBA to do tummy time every day, even though she despises it and it makes her cry, will negatively impact her emotional development? or
​(5) Will allowing BBA to "watch" the Today Show in the morning with me negatively impact her brain development? or
(6) Etc., etc., etc.

And so it goes...

Ultimately, what I am realizing as a new mama is that guilt is toxic. Guilt masks the fact that most of us are doing the best we can with what we have at any given moment. It does not allow us to appreciate our "wins," and instead causes us to focus on the "what-we-could-have-done-better-had-we-knowns." Guilt does not allow you to bask in the beauty of the now or dream about the possibilities of the future, instead causing you to dwell on the past with uncertainty and regret. 

​Guilt kills the joy in life.

When you are about to have a baby and nervous about motherhood, you often get the advice from other moms just to "trust your motherly instincts" and "do what feels right to you." And I think this is the key to mothering and basically the key to living a life filled with joy and happiness and with limited guilt. One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a new mom is that you should throw away just about every single baby book anyone has given you, because I am convinced that they are written by people who have never spent any real time with a real baby. They make you stressed out and cause you to feel guilty about your inadequacies and failures. Instead, talk to real-life moms who have experienced real-life mom issues, and you'll get real-life tips and tricks that are far more valuable and practical. And then trust your motherly instincts and do what feels right to you.

Whether you are making parenting decisions or decisions about work or finances or relationships or what to eat for dinner, don't compare yourself to the Jones'. Don't spend hours, days or even weeks questioning decisions you've already made and can't change. Don't allow the information you have today to cause you to look back with regret on choices you made when you didn't know what you know now. Instead, do your research, arm yourself with the information you need to make decisions today and in the future, and then go with your gut. 

And if you need a reminder of the awesome humility of your own humanity, repeat the following mantra to yourself:

"I am doing the best I can with what I have at this very moment."

And you are doing the best you can with what you have, mama.  

Until next time, by happy and healthy,
​Kathleen

​Hello, friends! We all know that a key part of being fit - in addition to working our hearts with cardiovascular exercise and our muscles with strength training - is including stretching in our exercise regime to improve our flexibility. And yet with the exception of the dedicated yogis out there, stretching is often the part of a workout that most of us skip (or skimp) because we are pressed for time and don’t think it pays the same dividends as more vigorous types of training. 

​The research suggests, however, that flexibility training is as critical to aging gracefully as cardio and strength training, and it may even be the “fountain of youth” when it comes to fitness, as proclaimed by Tony Horton, the uber fit and unbelievably youthful 58-year-old creator of P90X. Certainly, if we do not continue to work on our flexibility as we age, we will end up becoming one of those individuals who can’t bend over to tie his or her shoes, and we will be more prone to injury and incapacity in our later years. 

The good news is that working on your flexibility does not require much time. Just 5 minutes of stretching a day is generally sufficient, and there are numerous free online resources to help you develop a daily flexibility routine, for example this quick-and-easy routine from Real Simple. There are also incredible resources to help you add yoga into your life (do a search on YouTube), including my new favorite resource, which is designed for beginning yogis, Beachbody On Demand's 3 Week Yoga Retreat.

While flexibility training is important for your physical health, learning to be flexible in all aspects of your life is important for your mental health, your emotional health and for the health of your relationships.
 
I am someone who has never been particularly flexible. I have never been able to do a split. I do not enjoy yoga - although I aspire to be the type of person who enjoys finding her zen. I am a dedicated to-do lister and find great pleasure in creating lengthy and ambitious daily to-do lists and diligently crossing off each item on the list before the end of the day. I am committed to be timely at all times, and I do not have much tolerance for being late or for those who are late. I do not like clutter, and I do not like things in my house being out of place. 
 
Basically, both my blood type and my personality type are A+.

​Since having my first child 12 week ago, however, I have learned the importance of working on my flexibility. During the early weeks of Beautiful Baby A’s (BBA’s) life, I realized that I would have to minimize the number of items on my to-do lists, and now I have come to terms with the fact that it is better to ditch the daily to-do list entirely. Instead of being the person who arrives perfectly on time (or likely a little early), I now ensure I give others a range of time at which I might arrive, since you never know whether a nap will go long or whether there will be a last-minute diaper change or feeding. And with little time or energy to spend on housework, I am learning to accept that my dining room table has toys strewn across it and that there are unwashed dishes currently sitting in the kitchen sink.
 
This transition has not come easy, and it is very much a work in progress – I am only in the beginning stages. But like yoga, learning to be more flexible in other aspects of your life is a practice – a journey. A process of self-development and self-improvement that is as critical to your ability to age gracefully as stretching your muscles. Because research suggests that having a Type A personality increases your risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and depression, among other ailments.
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​So, I encourage you to spend some time each day focusing on your flexibility. Touch your toes. Do some side bends. Let some items on your to-do list slide. And leave your bed unmade. Commit to practicing flexibility in all aspects of your life, and you may just be setting the stage to live a longer, healthier and happier life.  
 
Until next time, be happy and healthy,
Kathleen

​Hello, friends! Over the years, I have developed a true love of cooking. I generally find my time in the kitchen therapeutic, and it serves as both a creative outlet and a means of providing the gift of health to my family (and myself!). I fully subscribe to the theory that the less time we spend in our kitchens, the more time we spend in doctors’ offices. Renowned food writer Michael Pollan wrote an entire book centered around the hypothesis that the increase in the obesity epidemic and obesity-related health problems in the U.S. and other parts of the world (such as Type II Diabetes, or “diabesity”), is directly linked to the decline in the amount of time we spend in our own kitchens (versus at restaurants or drive-through windows). The book, aptly named Cooked, provides a strong case for the proposition that if we only did one thing differently, i.e., cooked more of our own meals, we would be significantly more healthy. After all, do you have a bottle of high-fructose corn syrup or a can of trans fat in your pantry? 

Prior to having a baby, on most weeknights – and for several hours on Sundays – you would likely find me in my kitchen, sipping a glass of wine while I put together relatively elaborate plant-based meals for The Man and me. In fact, last summer, I embarked upon a 100 Healthy Days Challenge, in which I made 103 different healthy (and often complex) meals (and finished 100 different workouts) in 100 days, chronicling my experience on Facebook.
 
This spring, as I entered the third trimester of pregnancy, I followed the advice of my friend and amazing vegan chef and cookbook author Tess Challis, purchased a box freezer for the garage and made double of every meal I cooked, freezing half to eat after baby arrived. I called this endeavor Operation Freeze Food Before Baby (Operation FFBB), and for the first 6 weeks or so of Beautiful Baby A’s (BBA) life, my freezer meals played a key role in providing The Man and me with nutrition, since almost all of our time was spent tending to our newborn (or trying to catch a few minutes of sleep). 
​

As my freezer meals began to dwindle, I was faced with the dilemma of wanting to cook healthy meals at home for the two of us, but struggling to find blocks of time away from baby to do so. I certainly did not have the time to make the types of elegant meals I was putting together pre-baby. “Hacks” are defined as “clever solutions to tricky problems,” and my current tricky problem – and likely many of yours as well – has been finding the time to prepare homemade, healthy meals.
 
Trying to figure out a solution to this problem, I remembered a simple meal formula I first encountered in the book No Meat Athlete, in which the author Matt Frazier wrote about creating simple meals out of “a grain, a green and a bean.” 

​Elaborating on this concept a bit, I decided to experiment with different variations of “Meal Bowls,” using my own (somewhat less poetic) formula:
 
Starch + Produce + Protein + Sauce & Seasoning (or SPPS for short)
 
For the base of my bowls, I choose a Starch – think brown rice, polenta, potatoes (roasted, mashed, sweet, baked), oatmeal, couscous, quinoa, etc. These are generally easy to make (throw in a pot with water or in the oven and let the appliance do all of the work), and you can easily make several varieties in bulk (e.g., during one of BBA’s naps), and use them to mix-and-match meals during the week.
 
I then select one or more fruit or veggies to layer on top (the “Produce”). Fruit just requires a little chopping. Vegetables are often kept raw (or lightly steamed) – particularly since it is summer and there are so many glorious veggies in season (and record high temperatures make using heat in the kitchen less appealing). To make this step even easier, I have been purchasing pre-chopped and pre-washed veggies at Trader Joe’s, such as shredded carrots, shredded cabbage, brussels sprouts, etc. If you wanted to roast or steam some of your veg, you can also do so in bulk on a day when you have a little more time.

​Next, I add a plant-based Protein. Some favorites are Simple Baked Tofu from my absolute favorite cookbook in my extensive collection - Tess Challis’ Food Love - (the tofu is as easy to make as the name suggests); canned beans (while I aspire to be the type of person who cooks only with dried beans, in reality I am the less-than-perfect type of person who enjoys the convenience of BPA-free canned beans); steamed tempeh; nut butters (great with oatmeal and fruit for Breakfast Bowls); veggie burgers, veggie meat(less)balls; and lentils (Trader Joe’s has pre-steamed brown lentils in the refrigerated section). Again, nothing complicated here that can’t be thrown together in a matter of minutes. If you eat animal products, in addition to a few meatless options, you might want to choose 1 or 2 versatile animal Proteins (such as chicken or ground beef) to cook in bulk once a week and use in various dishes.

​Finally, you have the Sauces and Seasonings (S&S). I have been experimenting with different themes of Meal Bowls – Mexican, Italian, Thai, Indian, Burger Madness, etc. – and the theme has dictated the S&S. Pre-made marinara, salsa, guacamole, hummus, BBQ sauce, etc., are all great options on busy days, providing flavor and pizazz to your Meal Bowl. On days I have a little more time, I’ll consider making some homemade sauces and freezing them in advance. Fortunately, I still had a wonderful Thai green chile sauce and some homemade marinara left in the freezer from Operation FFBB, which came in handy this week with several of my creations.

​The result is a quick and easy meal that is as healthy as it is tasty, allowing me to deconstruct some of my favorite meals and get them on the table in a matter of minutes. So far, I have mostly created my own bowl concoctions (although I also made the yummy Mexican Polenta Bowl from Food Love), but I also purchased a new cookbook called Vegan Bowl Attack! that I look forward to using to make additional bowl concoctions when my ideas run dry. These Meal Bowls have become my favorite nutrition hack as I try to navigate life with baby and perhaps Meal Bowls will become a favorite of yours as well. Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts - or share your own creative Meal Bowl ideas!
 
Until next time, be happy and healthy,
Kathleen

Hello, friends! Welcome to my new blog “bells & peppers”. Many of you know that this is not my first foray into the world of blogging, and I had a short but relatively successful run on my blog “Life and Other Minor Complications.” This is, however, my first experience blogging on my own web site – a site I eventually hope to expand to include health and wellness coaching, fitness programming, etc. For my first blog entry, however, on my brand spankin’ new (and still work-in-progress) web site, I thought it would be prudent for me to explain the why behind this site and the title “bells & peppers.”
 
Now for a little context setting…I have been engaged to my amazing fiancé (affectionately referred to as “The Man” to protect the identity of the innocent) since October 2013, after a romantic proposal at the finish line of the Cleveland Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon. The following month, I paid a visit to my gynecologist for my annual exam, and after hearing about my engagement and in light of my impending 40th birthday that same month, she encouraged us not to wait to try to have children if we were considering it. I took her advice to heart, and The Man and I spent the next 2 years trying to have a baby, with no success. Having decided against pursuing fertility treatments, we were monumentally disheartened last summer when tests revealed that my egg supply was almost dried up, and my doctor told us that without fertility, we had basically no chance of having a baby (and even with fertility, chances would be slim).
 
After hearing this news, I allowed myself an appropriate amount of time to pout, and then I decided to take action rather than take the news lying down. As a lifelong athlete, Precision Nutrition Level 2 certified nutritionist, certified Turbulence Trainer and certified Food for Life cooking instructor, I turned to what I have always felt are the keys to all things health and wellness – daily movement and healthy eating – and I decided to challenge myself to 100 days of completing 100 different workouts and making 100 different healthy meals, not so creatively calling my experiment the 100 Healthy Days Challenge.